Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. Possibility # 2: Your husband won't talk because he doesn't like conflict (the avoiding pain motive) Your husband may be upset at you for something, but not want to say anything about it for fear that it will cause conflict. It's good for your health and can be a nice ritual for discussing your plans for the day. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. Donot tell him your every move. Here, here! I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. I however am back to working full time at our business since he practically decimated it with his affair partner working there so I dont have much time or inclination to be the perfect homemaker he used to be married to. I deserved better. He shaves maybe once a week, at most. For example, suppose hes always putting his buddies before you or bailing on plans because hed rather do something else. Certainly you must determine that there is nothing more serious physically going on as well. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. and weve been together 3. we have a son. Any ideas? He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. This way, your husband knows that youre serious about wanting to spend time with him, and he wont feel like hes being nagged. Its not just you and him against the world. She understands several crucial retirement principles for marriage that I want you to adopt. Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. You have my prayers. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. I usually dont think of him at all. This is a really great article! Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez . Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. I WON! Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. Anonymous. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. Don't put others before your husband. Suppose your husband has started working longer hours, studying for a big test, or training for a marathon. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. I agree with you. In 2006, he experienced his very first bout of acute pancreatitis, which was determined to have been caused by extremely elevated triglycerides. I have even pointed a few of these things out to my husband, and said.gee, what would you have done if I acted/spoke like THAT? Prior to having children, we had an active social life. And that goes right to the heart of why so very few people actually DO leave. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. Also when a person complains about being bored they are often bored with themselves not their marriages or spouses. It drives me totally nuts. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. Particularly in a long term relationship. Unless I wanted to peruse thing it would have cost me between 15,000-20,000. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). He either doesn't want to be seen with her or he doesn't want someone else to see him while he is with her. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. Blah blah blah. One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. Its a vicious cycle I see repeated on many blogs. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. John Of course, this isnt to say that you should never come first. While I will own my mistakes, own what I need to work on in MY life and own how I can communicate better, etc to improve my marriage, I am sick to death of the prevalent societal idea that people cheat because something is lacking at home. It's a good way to keep a relationship alive. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Well, wow. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. I basically told him I understand how shamed and guilty that all made him feel, but he has done the crime and this discussion WILL come up from time to time. I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. Just a little! Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married one year. he says he feels indifferent even to his family. Perhaps in the UK or somewhere you have been before. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: ".our life is not bad but boring." 2 Answers - ( Newest, 16 November 2009) A female age 30-35, anonymous writes: i am 19years old and my husband is 20 and this feb 14th 2010 we will be married for 2 years. We even half-joked that the guys must be suffering from a lack of testosterone while both of the women are now ripe for affairs. Exercise grace, this is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to get through to Eyes Opened about. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. But after she left, he was angry. I loved that. 3. Sponsored by BeenVerified This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. I do absolutley everything on my own. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . Stupid. What a shame eg, they are not going to see it. Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. f. I can and will choose PEACE for my life. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, "I have to be in control." 2. Best wishes Rachelyou have won what is most important to you!!! Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. Our friends and their issue were on-again, off-again topics of discussion between Linda and I for a few days after our night out. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. My h would tell me, he didnt want her on medication, in the next breathe he would tell me to go take medication. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! I saw something somewhere that research indicates that 65% or more of extramarital affairs can be directly attributed to boredom. In this case, try giving him some space and see if that encourages him to come to you more. This is bonding time. Sometimes guys just don't know how to say things. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. Not even for the kids. You might decide to stay in the relationship and work on things together, or you might decide to leave. One thing that has changed a bit is that she no longer wants to have that role so much any more. Read Also: 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. He watches TV all day long and plays computer games on his phone. ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. No matter how much our friends love each other and they do they are not immune to boredom. But before you jump to conclusions, there are a few other possible explanations for why your husband doesnt want to spend time with you. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. I feel none of it was appreciated and he has a sense of entitlement. We've been married for almost 30 years and have 2 children, aged 16 and 18. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. Go out and start doing things you want to do. This is not an all-inclusive list. In answer to. Yeah I know..not productive, LOL. he doesnt want things to improve. Rewind 10 years ago and I was a single 25-year-old freshly off finishing grad school at NYU who was moving to start a new chapter and a new job in Austin. This will give you a sense of self-fulfillment, but it will also make you more attractive to your husband so you wont be worried and constantly think: My husband never wants to do anything with me. When youre content with yourself, youre less likely to demand constant attention, giving him the breathing room he needs. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. If your husband used to spend a lot of time with you and now you complain: my husband never wants to do anything with me, it can be confusing and hurtful. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. My 10 year old son's personality is that he does not want to leave the house to do go stuff. When it comes to a conclusion my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, an affair is one of the most common reasons. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. I have to basically threaten with taking away screen time almost every time it is time to do something. Not a legacy to be proud of. He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. I will NEVER go through this again. Gradually, he's changed, and his hygiene has gotten worse and worse. It makes me sick the lengths she went to, and I truly believe it was her manipulation, making him feel guilty for him being home with his family. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? but thats not our problem. Rafting, kayaking, swimming, water parks, cool restaurants No museums, tours, etc.-- you know, old-fogey . Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings. Respecting his wishes will go a long way in making him feel more inclined to spend time with you. Dear The HPV Question, First, I want to make sure you still have HPV. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. Oh bless you it really does sound very similar.. to the poster who suggested getting others involved, without going into too much detail I did just that. I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. There is one of three reasons . document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. And I mean that really is ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO!!!!! I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Sound familiar? First, try taking a more proactive approach by planning fun activities that you can do together. The affair partner wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. We become so busy raising our kids, that we neglect to pursue our OWN interests and hobbies, especially as a couple. Press J to jump to the feed. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. Yup, I no longer want all the responsibility of doing it all, anymore. Our marriage for many years was all about our kids and their activities, sports, etc. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. Maybe even in a better, truer, more open and honest way. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. Like threatening to kill my cats, destroying my property, etc. Communication is just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. Your story proves my point. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. If you are struggling to find a boyfriend OR can't get quality men to commit to you then read this post to find out why. I couldnt understand her whole bored thing. Showing more affection in different ways or spending more time together may help resolve the issue. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. I commented on his IG. Not exactly good party talk! The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. I cant help but ask myself is it worth it? He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. I told him what I can look on his desk. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Alternately, the affair partner wants to place the blame on the cheating spouse. I encourage you to ask me for clarification, if you are not clear with my Answer. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. We are all now to the point where our kids have either graduated from college, in college or will be entering college next fall. If someone's lack of response has become a. It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! My husbands job was mainly to just show up and participate. In the midst of the fog, they can do no wrong, probably a fair way out of the fog too, before things start showing themselves for what it really was. So, one of the classic signs of a selfish husband is he holds himself in high regard and has a high self-esteem, to the point of being full of himself. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! It is now scheduled for this Thursday . My dr had wanted me to start being on medication for depression but had also said things would be better if your h would change his attitude and start helping you, because this is why you are so depressed. My other half knows this, but still, does not take any of the responsibility on. Yes I did everything to make his life comfortable not so much now. And that choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, theres a chance he might not be intentionally ignoring you. Lets face it, we arent children anymore, either have an adult relationship or dont, if you do not want to, then let the other person go so he/she can. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. Constantly needing reassurance from your spouse can be suffocating and is likely one of the reasons why hes pulling away. See he would watch me falling and he would hold his hand out to her to help her up. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. Your email address will not be published. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me? I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? If anyone condones cheating, or blames one of the affair partners or a spouse, you just have to wonder WHY. I vent ONLY to my bff, who knows our story and my level of commitment to this relationship. Can I ask how old you are? Thank you, EG! b. I let the selfish decisions of two very self absorbed people turn me into someone I am NOT. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search engines: He would also even leave home anymore. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. It was all about ME and what I should or shouldnt do, NOT about him and the nasty tramp he was running around with, protecting, putting on a pedestal, I don't think . He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. It's an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. PS. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. Spending quality time together is a desirable trait in every marriage and shouldnt be compromised. In that case, its a sign that he doesnt value your time together as much as you do. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. being a friend to. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. The only activity I can get him to do is sit and eat at restaurants. I do everything outside the home with friends, nothing with him. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. If that something is lacking so severely than they would simply LEAVE. You have your sons hearts, love, support, and respect. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. 261K views, 8.6K likes, 1.4K loves, 409 comments, 347 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ginaalopeez: Me r0bar0n mi celular!! That obviously will take a while. Oh, one more thing. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Its so true, if my h wants to choose slutty over me, then go right ahead, I deserve better in my life and my expectations are much higher, I deserve so much better, as we all do. I stayed home with the kids, took care of all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc. Empty nest for all of us is just around the corner. "Love and affection should be evident not only to you, but . Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. Monogamy isnt a one-time choice for human beings; its an ongoing choice. This will allow him to miss you, making spending time with you that much more special. I also remember a few years ago my husband saying he would honor his boring commitment. Guess The Turd does more interesting things like eat sushi, try to look phat and fresh, and try to be a hipster. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. The affair has changed that for me. Big surprise. Encourage and compliment your spouse. Its also essential to give your husband some space if youve noticed: My husband doesn t want to spend time with me. Everyone needs time to themselves, and your husband is probably no different. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) . Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). My husband retired last year and although he has time to do things, he does nothing. Because he is home 24/7 the bills have increased. Friday may 31st will be divorce day. I have complete clarity on this issue in my mind. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me?