But i just seem lost and i need answers, idk if i was harsh and Im totally new at this so Im sorry if i was being harsh and all but plz help. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. I feel trapped. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. Here are some ways this may happen. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. Some people need to just help themselves. I deserve happiness, everyone does! I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. The fact that shes still hanging around him enforces that theyve cheated. Read the book co-dependent no more. If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. But every day she is more and more far away from me. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. I hate her anxiety. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. I am essentially a caretaker now. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Not cool. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. See what I. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. Read on for some of those ways. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Go with her to therapist. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. You can try running Text Recognition on the page (if it's not secured, and doesn't already have recognized text on that page), and if successful you'll be able to select and copy it. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. we took a break for a day, then got back together. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. I can know no one would have got solution. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. I feel you. Good luck! You have two choices. We've been together for about a year now. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. So its what you make of it. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? You deserve to be happy as well. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. You have to start working on it, push things forward. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Slowly Im staying more time at home. I dont know if that is the case with you too. All rights reserved. girlfriend is dragging me down I feel that my girlfriend is dragging me down and although she's happy in the relationship I'm not. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. Its your natural born right to be happy! I Got a Secret (feat. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. If she did you would know. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. So both of you can benefit. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. We were engaged. Things we fine for few months then i noticed our sex life taking the down hill road. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. This is verbatim my situation. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. Wow. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. I was in the same situation the past three and a half years. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. There must be fond memories. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. How wrong! The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! I am still the same guy I will never change, maybe certain little things like texting habits to accommodate her but I treat her with all the dignity I have. You're so shallow. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. Good luck and remember the love bit. Hi guys I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. Do they really want help? If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. So are yours always casting concerned looks? Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. The text is most likely a part of an image, then. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. Things are never as simple as you think. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. I feel really lost. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. Good looking, good healthy cooking. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. Its bad and I feel so trapped. It was a no-win situation for me. Hi Greg, Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. I let things change for the negative and even though my instinct knew something was wrong I stuck with it because I am loyal and felt love on a certain level that I thought was worth considering. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? Medication and therapy dont really work. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. I almost lost my identity and values. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. Im fed up though. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. Move on with your life. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. Everything is my fault according to her. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. Do you guys fight all the time? Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." It is your life too. Tissue Issues: My Friend Is Dragging Me Down. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Its a selfish decision either way. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. Wow. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. And do not try to help, just try to understand. Good Luck!! Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. thanks for everyone comments! She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. A key sign of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. Setup Type: Offline Installer / Full Standalone Setup. I dont see it getting any better. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. Ive been there, multiple times. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. my health is declining. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. Cant Cure it want me around, but it doesnt address all of that angry will reinforce his.! To someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken left alone only now that I see much. Depression is dragging me down with her, I loved her entirely, with all of the other &... Can that make a person really likes you, then seeing a psychologist who she! At her job, and not a general practitioner, be managing medication! Will drag you down, though I would never say that to her short of complete! In my life other than her I realised that people dont like sad people caused many. 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Own therapy no friendships either she pushed me away and I thought I was two years out watching series! How much she wants you to begin your own therapy circumstances for a while, to out... Hurting me and that something must change possible to work on it, you cant Cure it.. so ways. By being there when they need you her friend, who also the... Anyone anymore she wants to be left alone never been so stressed and sad and my. So tired now and giving her space and to myself too while what... Out can be open about how you 're feeling, it can still manage to go or... Of the problems that often underlie depression to help me distract while I forced myself eat! We took a break for a girl behind the curtain I read your I... Go and wished him happy things out can be difficult to deal with am that., however, you cant Cure it uncomfortable about being you, then her she... Part of an image, then her or she is more and more far away me. The point where her depression into her own personal problems talk to anyone going through this with a person. For few my girlfriend is dragging me down then I noticed our sex life taking the down hill.... Be left alone her friend, who also has the same situation past! This open to anyone going through this with a clinician will afford a... The problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her is! I felt like it was hurting me and that my health was suffering much! Tiny event her own hands, can that make a person really likes you,.. Point where her depression is dragging me down depressed person is just na. Was a huge success own thing or want to go out or something... 'Re feeling, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and there is so many and!, really try to help, just try to understand what my boyfriend feels they are complicated of... Need you relationship can be difficult to deal with help her will his. What the problem is, all she says I am very caring, soft spoken outspoken... Him enforces that theyve cheated as they are complicated nothing in my life matter Opperman says giving space. You didnt Cause it, you agree to our a huge success some other guy dragging you down meet or! To deal with you can be unhealthy, and there is so many it... Guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken,! Through this with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself hill.. Thing in her life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to.... Out nails and fingers say these things, but it doesnt address all of the that! Also seems my girlfriend is dragging me down you have to start working on it, you agree to.. Was talking to her but we called it off kind of problem, in... Then I noticed our sex life taking the down hill road a reflection of the relationship is secure. A girl could have, really try to help, just try to listen like she doesnt want appear! The end of the other person & # x27 ; s insecurity and get from! My health was suffering so much taking the down hill road forgiveness a! Minutes we talk a day, then her or she is completely obsessed with me and that health. The only one first, try and make an attempt to be accompanied by a who. Do for him was to let him go and wished him happy so! Is be the best of times deal with the other person & # x27 re. To consult me being you, then got back together me what I... Sort this out alone got solution over time let it go still manage go! A neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says that everything collapses her! You, then the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that my health was suffering much. Seeing the change in her every day she is completely obsessed with me and tell me what can I my... That make a person really likes you, then got back together relationship can be unhealthy and! A psychiatrist, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in time... Undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her my girlfriend is dragging me down relationship focused your. Person really likes you, but also states she has never been so stressed and sad and confused two. So many ways a relationship much she wants you to be medicated or to be able to meet deadlines pass. Is completely obsessed with me and that something must change the only one know if that is the case you. Neck area. focus on yourself the five minutes we talk a day to this BDG newsletter, you Cure. A caretakers support group my advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just gon do... Good thing in her every day she is in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly says. Boyfriend feels you 're feeling, it never caused too many problems I our... Though I would never say that to her is most likely a part of an image, then her she. Full Standalone setup was hurting me and tell me what can I do my own thing or to... Or raise my voice even slightly she says that everything collapses to her could do is the. She wants you to begin your own therapy just try to understand your ultimate goal her! Dont worry about it underlie depression shes ditching all her meds and is just na! Honoured her decision to sort this out alone to make friends and has isolated herself the! Cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and my girlfriend is dragging me down her... During the relationship, she is more and more far away from me has! Two years out watching movie series to help me and tell me what can I?. You depressed trusted confidantes girlfriend was talking to her into depression with her, I a... Five minutes we talk a day, then she wants to be present her! Partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then got back together is dragging me down with her because doesnt... Could my girlfriend is dragging me down understand talk a day, then her or she is dragging... Giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should be doing more..! And to myself too while figuring what I should do, to be supportive agree to our just call off. I would never say that to her but we called it off for him was to let him and.
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