He is separated with 4 kids and a selfish demanding ex wife who took everything she could from him while they were together. Not just that, sexually as well. Maybe what they need to here is (as an example)- Im not feeling like a priority to you, and therefore what I need is for you to make dinner with me one night this week so we can reconnect.. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. And when we actually spent time together we always just went for a walk couple times a week or we met to have sex, we never did anything else. Hello Laurie, thank you for writing the article. I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. Im not asking for much, just some normal effort. I get so exhausted and mad that I says things hurtful accidentally such as you do nothing around here! Oh my goodness. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? I am literally in the exact same position. Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. But we got OUR place, he expects me to clean, cook, everything. He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. These tips actually worked. He said he was planning on proposing that year. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. But he never tells me how he feels when I ask. But I just dont have enough energy to even cry sometimes. I absolutely abhor talking to anyone ever. Were both not yet married with our partners since both of our relationship with our partners is not okay. I dont think he would see it this way at all. He was very affectionate and gentle towards me and would make it a point to call me every day, the first maybe 2-3 months of our relationship. IT IS A VERY HUGE PROBLEM. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. This past week, I got strep throat and was miserable, so I didnt do anything, and since I got antibiotics, Ive been feeling better, but Im debating on doing anything to show him how much I do and how little he does. But he want to intimate with me. I make sure I put into the relationship as much as I get. This is the real way to be happy and stop wanting for his love or validation to make you happy. He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. I just dont feel like he loves me , why am I with him & what is he not getting ? , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. I think his lack of effort is reflective of being afraid of going through all of that again. Then I gave up on trying to figure it out. Its too much. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. So i moved out and got my own place and we continued dating. He said he had not thought about it and was not feeling well that day, so would think about it when he felt better and let me know in a few days. Im not sure how to approach any of this with him. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? I feel like Im the only one putting any effort for us to spend time together. I always drive to his and he never makes an effort to go to me. My boyfriend is 22 years my senior and weve been dating over 8 months. When we first started dating I personally felt like he put so much effort into me and the relationship. Lets see whats they do. Its long distance and he is 8 hours ahead of me. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 5 months weve known each other for quite a while in the 1st couple months was wonderful we talked a lot did stuff together laugh together he started working more and didnt have as much time is energy but I noticed that hes working obsessive until he absolute collapses he makes no time for me he keeps saying I cant wait till we have time again when I get these jobs done but nothing is an emergency hes not strapped financially he doesnt have to complete these things as fast as he does I go to his house and sleep a lot of nights with him thats kind of all were doing anymore were not even having sex but if I dont sleep over he calls me and text me I miss you so much I love you so much but he wont actually put in any effort to do anything with me Im so confused about about it Ive lowered my expectations again and again and hes just been just disconnected just not really even present Its like he knows he has me and he can just put me on a shelf until he feels like paying attention to me again and its not enough for me but I love him I know he loves me I dont know why he doesnt get it that this relationship is gonna die if he doesnt keep starving it. I can sorta relate to you, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months, but our relationship took off really quickly, and he seemed like the perfect boyfriend for the first month, but after that, its seemed like Ive gradually lost his respect. Im starting to think he doesnt want to marry me. I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. I have brough up some of the issues and he acts clueless and doesnt know what to do. He always tells me that he loves me and always talks about the future seriously, but honestly it just feels like I just have to take his word for it. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). We dont stay up on call anymore, and last night we were on call for forty minutes and thats only because I begged him; however, the whole time, not a single conversation came out of it. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. We dont speak much Im very busy cleaning cooking dealing with kids and studying and in his opinion Im too busy and he feels like I have my own things going on when really, he could take a load of me. Now, I dont know all the details of this, but I would say that hes pushing you away unintentionally while trying to cope with the loss of his father. At first, he was working, seeing his daughter, making me coffee in the morning, starting my car for me, doing dishes, and laundry and now ten months in, he lost his job, and I have no idea if hes looking for a job. He never calls me beautiful or cute and pretty no matter how much I try to dress up and impress him, he never notices anymore. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. That bothers me because on his birthday I did get him a little something and also, called his sister to get his favorite chocolate cake and chocolate icing recipe of his moms who is deceased. He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. I am struggling to deal with mine and have decided to back away, which is hard, however I want to see if he makes an effort when Im no longer at his beckon call all the time. Im not looking for validation from him, but support. With him, he tried very hard to get the first couple dates with me and he didnt stop. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. We met and it was pretty much an instant connection. Oh, also he keeps poking my stomach and at first it was funny and cute but now its genuinely annoying and Im trying to tell him to stop but he doesnt take me seriously and just kind of turns it into a joke. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. I used to brag up the fact that he was one of those guys who would actually reply to all of a lengthy message so to speak but lately he ignores a lot of whats said as if he just doesnt care. But Im starting to realize my own self worth. Let an iota of plea reflect. My first true love affair and I got completely ripped off or short changed. But how can we trust someone who says they love us and then, intentionally hurt us? MY BOYFRIEND AN I HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND WE BOTH WORK. But have to understand yourself mentality first because if not you will lose yourself in the process. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. I felt like I would never find anyone else who would want me, this douche bag was as good as I was ever going to get. And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. Nope just opens the door, hey babe, then back to bed. Also expected to cook, clean, do the laundry, take care of our pet. WebHe came up to me and brought me free drinks again. He told me about his situation and how his mother is a single mom and he has to take care of his younger siblings. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. He reminds me often how he is in charge and makes me pay the price for his past decisions by living in a place he cannot afford alone, even though when he asked me to move here he never expected me to pay half because I dont make alot of money. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. He pays alawys though i offer to pay but he refuses. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. Then we were living in different countries. That was on Friday. I have told him that I will be losing a lot when I move career wise. Thanks for letting me vent gals. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. Guys will always say that they are going to change but actions speak louder than words. Every time I ask, he gets upset, and starts an argument, so why do I bother? And that way, you will realize how worthy, unique and precious of a human being you are and genuinely feel that such a gem deserves much more than what you get from your boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year. We do have a son together and me and him both work and I get home cook and clean and take care of our son while he just gets home everyday and relaxes he has embarrassed me many times in front of his family and friends When we barely got together I asked him what he would rate me 1-10 and he said a 6 and that really broke me. Its sad. Then came the coronavirus and the lockdown and he was forced to stop school. Easier said than done, I know, but you wont regret it. Take matters into your own hands.be who you need for yourself, Love you and your son enough to care for your own needs. They just seems like some eords. He told me the other day if you dont like the way I am, then leave me. He is educated, working on a doctorate degree, employed, non smoker, drinks socially, is religious and knowledgeable about the Bible. it is like his way of saying he just wants to do whatever he wants now and I if I dont like it, tough crap. Often the dog doesnt get walked for a few hours in the morning because I have to get myself and the kids ready before I can take the dog out when really he could just get up and do it.He never wants to come on walks with us. I dont know what to do and need some advice. Im the beginning, it was easy. He said hes not going through something. Create your own personal world girl. And he certainly isnt going to change without a real reason, e.g., losing someone he cares about. Hurt Feelings. He is struggling to find work as well. I have told him that Im tired of him not Making an effort in the relationship, and that he needs to make an improvement. It makes me jealous he could spend time playing games with her not me. But I look at him for him. Despite me working on being explicitly clear- he still hasnt been willing or able to meet my needs. I hope things get better. When he isnt at work he shuts himself in the bedroom and plays games whilst I deal with the kids. He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. Go out more often, meet new people, make friends, get involved with charity organisations or simply start a class for something you always wanted to do; try a new hairstyle, go shopping, take yourself on dates, go to a beach or a lake and enjoy the sunset (yes alone! If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, Sam I think you should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this. please give me an advice. im not sure what to do anymore. dont waste your time on a man that is using you. He commented on Tues night wed do it the next night so I was completely excited and ready to go at then finally at bedtime he laid there with his eyes closed and when I put the moves on him he told me its time for sleep, that we are just cuddling. And then he apologize to me and said he just feel pitty of me. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. I said I didnt think I could be in a relationship with him anymore because I was tired of being the one always doing the work and making an effort. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. My boyfriend has told me that multiple times and yet we are in the same place months later. Im fed up of being sad all the time and just want to be happy and feel loved again. He was telling me about his plan for tomorrow and I asked about when we are supposed to go out, he acted annoyed and commented I knew you would be worried about that really? monthly anniversaries, birthdays, gifts, restaurants, and so on everything disappeared after a conflict he said doesnt see a future with me as he barely thinks about his own future. He always makes his schedules according to his friends schedules and if I wanna spend any time with him I have to change my schedules. He needs help but isnt able to take responsibility or accountability or doesnt care enough about maintaining the relationship I guess to do anything to make it work. This article actually helped a lot but I dont rlly know how to let go. HE ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. "It was hard taking the constant rejection." WebBut when you give so much attention and interest to a guy, but he just doesnt feel the same way, it can actually push him away from you. Someone needs to get off if it cant be discussed and decisions made together to improve what doesnt work for one or the other. But in the last month, I have noticed that I am always initiating meeting with him, and he would suggest in the very same day or at the spare of the moment for me to pass by his place and we end up spending 2 hours or so with each other having sex and then I leave because one of us has a commitment. Even sent follow up warnings and he still didnt do anything this Valentines Day. I hope you work things out- either way. Also He text slow and we converse only when we have some argument. I tried to be understanding and not ask for a lot but it just got worse. He may be afraid to show sensitivity, make sure to let him know that its okay for him to cry. He will come around in my opinion. September came around. Hello everyone, i have a story to share! I was in so much pain and he couldnt even come to check on me. I got back with my ex after months. My boyfriend is a foreigner and a Muslim while I am a Catholic Christian. And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. This is where my first question comes in: how well do you know your boyfriend? Not only that sexual favors have been one sided for a long time now. HE ALWAYS FORGETS. Last Valentines Day, we got into a fight because I had put in all this effort to put together a special night and he literally didnt do a single thing. But loves to act as if what Im saying isnt logical. I asked him again he did not reply back.. now the whole time we have been dating I have been the one to travel back and forth with my son to see him. Girl, thats not fair to you. Sometimes when I try to kiss him he shoved me away. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. And then proceeded to call me later like nothing was wrong to tell me about something that happened at work. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. But he has never considered making me happy for once. it was boring and dull. Hes now begging for me back , saying hes going to change. When I got back to our dorm that night I ft him and told him it felt right but It was also an accident. If he doesnt wake up and go on the game he wakes up and lays down on the sofa (when not at work) I do all the DIY. It wasnt any thing bad. Does your boyfriend still care? It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. We had the break up talk several times a day, and at the end of it, it was one of the other begging to stay together because they believed we could fix it. And boom..you would be able to leave him to be single and be open for someone whod treat you just the way you deserve. He gets annoyed and sighs and does the What do you want from me now?? Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. He only got me a childrens bear . Again, thank you Sumiah and to the other ladies in this blog who support each other. He dresses professionally. Which really confuses me. I have met and gone out with his friends. Also his mum is very protective of him and has him wrapped around his finger, when she wants him home he goes which is very frustrating for me. I leave him love notes and make him dinner all the time and he doesnt match my effort. We used to work on projects together, go for walks, and he barely even grooms now. His self-absorbtion is engrained and chronic- and not my issue to fix. I can say that he is the kind of guy who only knows how to love me through his words and not by his actions. But he laughed at me. I had my final straw this past week with his lack of effort and I broke up With him. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. He had PTSD, bi polar disorder and anxiety. Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! For the past few months I noticed he stopped making effort. However, if my boyfriend was gaming with another girl I would have broken up with him. It was all too perfect in the beginning and I was fearful. 36 Questions to Ask Your Partner That Lead to Love, 6 Signs Youre Growing Apart From Your Partner, take a negative toll on your relationship, determine if the partnership is worth mending. He gets angry and its caused a lot of fights lately. After this last incident, something broke inside of me and I said no more. I felt once again unappreciated. That didnt rlly happen he didnt last a day without me. Please tell me whatbi should do. I decided to go back to my place, after wards he decided to send me a text saying we should take a break just like that. I pay d bills, I buy him stuffs give him money, I practically do everything in d relationship . But we continued texting and he just ghosted me. But the communication thing has really slowed down. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. That said, he told me hes doing a lot better now and hes still acting distant. And so on. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. And thats what messes with me a lotwhy doesnt he want to do the same for me. Which was Im looking so bad I dont want neighbours to see me like this. I am very confused and angry at myself because I know he wasnt like that in his previous relationship endeavors. it breaks my heart that despite all my efforts still i been judged as a selfish gf. Im always the one who always ask. Do I let this person disrespect my boundary? laugh etc for 45-60 mins. How come? Or, ask them for more details. Nothing cleaned up, ingredients still on the counter, and not one thing made for me to eat.. and even better, after letting me in the door, not a how was work. He goes out at night with his friends when his daughter is staying with him, but uses her presence as a reason not to spend time with me, yet he is happy to do Thanksgiving together. My boyfriend recently broke up with me. Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. The last year and half has been a struggle just one thing after the other. This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. Ive tried to initiate intimacy and have been rejected because hes tired. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. Im in the same situation. Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. I moved across the world during the honey moon phase of our relationship. When your partner no longer cares about what you say, doesn't value your presence, and doesn't seem to be invested in whats going on in your life, its can feel as though they're taking steps toward living a life without you. I dont have a say in anything and I cant express how I feel because he tells me its all on me and pretty much its my fault I feel the way I do. I dont know how to stop nagging him and always expecting things but Im so insecure at this point about where we stand and his feelings its like I just need validation. Anyways, I eventually moved in with him and things were good. A. Acting distant had PTSD, bi polar disorder and anxiety better now and hes still acting.! His lack of effort is reflective of being sad all the time and want. Have known each other for 10 years would see it this way at.! And things were Good creator of Uprooted she Blossoms and author of Forward! And he just feel pitty of me is where my first question comes:! 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